Saturday, April 21, 2012

What I've Learned This Year At School

So, I haven't posted in six weeks. I'm really bad at this. And by this I mean time organization, blogging, singing when not in the shower and balancing a spoon on my nose. My excuse is that I have been insanely busy with the semester coming to a close which means lots of papers, tests and "fun" projects which aren't as much fun as they are a pain in the butt. Don't ask my roommate what I've been up to though because I have a feeling she'll say something absurd like, "Marie spends all her time watching The Office on Netflix. Now where would she  get an idea like that?
But here I am, alive and well, slightly stressed out and majorly in love with John Krasinski. And here I am today to share with you the wealth of information I have learned this year at college. Aren't you some lucky, lucky people?

1. If you are planning on or currently living with a roommate, you have no choice but to learn to compromise. I know, I know, not the easiest thing in the world. But unless you want your roommate to think you are a stuck up bitch (pardon the language), you have to learn to compromise. And that compromise might simply mean that you're going to have to learn to go to sleep with the light on (all college kids know how to do this) or you may not be able to have wild dance parties whenever you feel like it. Some things you just have to live with.

2. Fire alarms never go off at a convenient time. Never. In fact, most of them go off in the middle of the night when your floor decides to have a two in the morning snack for some strange reason. Here are some crucial steps you should remember: First, put on shoes. There's nothing like standing outside barefoot, especially in winter. Second, grab your keys for God sakes. Did you know it's the law mandate for public safety to lock your door after you leave? You didn't? Yeah, most of my dorm didn't either. But now you know.

3. The fire alarm leads nicely into my next point. Do not for one second take for granted your ability to use a microwave or a stove. It turns out about 50% of college freshman somehow never acquired this skill. I don't know how that happened to slip by them but it did. So please, if you see someone struggling to make Easy Mac or Ramen noodles and you, yourself, have the knowledge, help them out. It will probably cost you at least one two-in-the-morning fire alarm.

4. Ear plugs are God's gift to everyone. Before college, I never had any use for ear plugs except for swimming laps in the pool. But guess what? I owned a pair my second month in. Maybe sooner. I go to school in the middle of a city. There is no end to the wailing of sirens and car honks throughout all hours of the day and night. While I can promise that if you live here long enough, you'll become accustomed to these noises, the sounds of drunken partiers and public safety officers will usually be enough to rouse you from your slumber. At least, that's the way it is for me. Not to mention the goddamn vacuums the janitors use to clean the hallways EVERY SINGLE MORNING.

5. There will come a time when you think your life is over. Most likely this will happen sometime in early December or early May and you'll be sitting in the library surrounded by empty coffee cups and energy drink containers. They'll be a large red mark on your face where you fell asleep on your textbook and you'll be whimpering quietly, thinking to yourself, "I'm as stupid as my dog and the best thing I can hope for is to live the streets with the other hobos. My parents wasted all this money on me and now I'm going to have to tell them how dumb their offspring turned out to be." Do not fear. This happens to everyone. Go buy yourself another caffeinated drink and get back to work.

There you have it. You youngsters now know five things I did not before I entered the Great Land of Late Night Snacks and Sleeping In. And for everyone else....let me know what you think people should know about college!!